Musings On A Life Lived

Oh, my Beautiful King, what can I say of your love?
Oh Righteous One, you bestow life on those who hear.
What can I say?
What can I do?
I am helpless without You.

You have called me; You have called US, “The Light of The World.”

I crowned You with thorns;
And God has crowned You Glory and Honor.
I pounded the nails in Your flesh with my selfishness;
And God has brought You from the dead.
You rose with power to give me life, to give US, oh God please, everyone life.

Every person, every child, we need You;
We ache for You and Your Love;
We ache to hear OUR name called, will You call?
Have mercy on us, You created us; You created us for love.

What can we say?
What can we do?!
We are hopeless without You!
Unless You pour out Your love and melt our hearts, we are dead.

Help US, You are God, we are but humble humanity.
We place it all in Your hands, show us Your love.

You have said, “All things are new;”
You have said, “I will pour out My Spirit on ALL flesh;”
You have said many things, where are you?!?

You have called me “Brother” through Your blood, the blood I shed; You have called us “Friends.”

Take my body;
Take our hearts;
Live and bring life through us.

Despite all our cares and concerns,
You are Christ The Living.
And we are seated in You in love.

Thank You for calling OUR name.

by Richard Cassidy

back in the day words were spoke and visions were heralded.

all my life, I too, just like you, have been a seeker;
searching for what I knew to be true;
searching for a better way of life—peace;
searching for the reason of my existence.

I’ve gone down many roads and alleys, using and burning bridges;
I have tried it all, just like you;
searching, hungering for this emptiness to be filled or taken away.

the bottle worked for a season—I thought;
pills temporarily provided a refuse;
sex, oh the sex, blinded me for way too long.

many, too many to count, many times I’ve been saved from THAT brink.

there was a time, standing on a bridge—jumping;
there was a time, fifth in hand—still sober;
a blunt falling down on its job;
there were the times when that line refused to work.

through all these things we never stop searching;
the hunger has never gone away, we still demand the truth;

in each of these cases we can be rescued, were rescued.

it wasn’t until God opened my eyes and whispered I was loved;
it wasn’t until the Creator of All, started healing these old wounds, the wounds from those touches from the past;
it wasn’t until someone showed me love by speaking the truth through their actions.

I am not perfect, and God is not finished.
there are days when it hurts Him to be my Dad;
there are days Jesus cries as he rescues his little brother, again;
there are days, that the only thing we desire is to be held and know we are loved.

this is not an alter call, nor is it a ticket to get out of hell free.
I am only one hurt soul, trying to help my family, you, get home.

all my life, I too, just like you, have been a seeker;
searching for what I knew to be true;
searching for a better way of life—peace;
searching for the reason of my existence.

I’ve gone down many roads and alleys, using and burning bridges;
I have tried it all, just like you;
searching, hungering for this emptiness to be filled or taken away.

so many things worked for a season—I thought;
so many things temporarily provided a refuse;
oh, too many things, blinded me for way too long.

many, too many to count, many times I’ve been saved from THAT brink.

there was a time, standing on a bridge—jumping;
there were times; oh, there were times.

through all these things we never stop searching;
the hunger has never gone away, we still demand the truth;

in each of these cases we can be rescued, were rescued.

it wasn’t until God opened my eyes and whispered I was loved;
it wasn’t until the Creator of All, started healing these old wounds;
it wasn’t until someone showed me love by speaking the truth through their actions.

I am not perfect, and God is not finished.
there are days when it hurts Him to be my Dad;
there are days Jesus cries as he rescues his little brother, again;
there are days, that the only thing we desire is to be held and know we are loved.

this is not an alter call, nor is it a ticket to get out of hell free.
I am only one hurt soul, trying to help my family, you, get home.

There are so many words floating around my head, and they won’t come out.
You, My Creator & My Redeemer, you have cradled and cared for me my entire life.

When my body had broken down;
When the lies I spoke I started to believe;
When I had no hope, You whispered soul words, words of Love.

You are God,
Scripture tells of your love;
Scripture tells of your healing;
Scripture tells of your beating, and bludgeoning, at my expense, by me, ME!

Can’t there still be healing?
Can’t demons still be cast out?

I have doubted and betrayed you;
And you have forgiven and healed me.
I have slandered and mocked you;
And you have poured out countless blessings.

Dad, Jesus, I can’t do this alone;
I don’t even have any faith; I have no faith at all.
All the faith I have is Yours; Your faith poured out and into me on Calvary;
Your faith, the faith of a once only Son, has made me whole as you rose from death to life.

I love you; everything I have is Yours, and everything You have is mine;
Yet this one thing,
This single, lone thing;
In front of You, and all creation, I declare,
“I refuse to come home alone; and I don’t care what it takes”
You said that we, that I, would do even greater things that you, and I can’t even share my faith.

Dad, if I can’t bring all my broken and beaten brothers and sisters home with me, I’m not coming home, no matter how long you chase me.

Bring me home, bring me home.

I’ve followed You out of the darkest night;
I listen, and ache to hear better and yet nothing;

A maestro directing an empty orchestra;
A battlefield of tears tears my heart in two.

There is nothing left that hasn’t been traded and given over;
There are no more chessmen to play.

Ancient words tell of a murderous king who corrected his ways;
Ancient words tell of a hooker who saw the light;
Ancient words I seek, yet refuse to acknowledge You, My Creator, The Lover of My Soul.

We are charged with dominion and power;
A difference, a life altering difference, is what we all seek to experience and produce.
We refuse to fail as humanity and leave this beautiful planet in worse shape than when presented to us.

And what are my goals?
What are my aspirations?

All I want;
All I really want is to hear Your voice and see Your face;
All I want is to see You move;
I cannot do this alone;
Can’t we do this Together?

Every day;
Every day;
Each and every day I want fly with You.

Chase me;
Pick me up;
Never let me go.

Shh….
Shh….
Listen, listen to your heart; it wants to fly, it wants to soar.
Through all the darkest mire we heap upon ourselves,
Through all the secrets we can’t share;
Deep down and bubbling up;
Deep down refusing to be hid—a laugh, a cry, a longing brings hope.

“Where is the holder of my heart,” I hear.
“Where is the healer of my soul,” I shudder.

Today I’m taking charge,
Today I’m giving in,
Today, just today, in this moment as the longing wells up and bursts my feeble attempts at a façade;
In this …

Find me because I’ve searched and searched;
Find me because I don’t know where to turn.

I want to fly, and not just take flight to escape;
I want to fly holding you.

You see I too have longed, and love to fly.
I didn’t think I was alone (even though I thought I was).

Has anyone ever seen?
Has anyone ever heard?

Oh, to be loved beyond anything I’ve done;
To be given freedom and joy, to never be alone and wanting;
Oh! To see and take part in the awakening of all creation!

Open our eyes so we can see;
Open our hearts so we can feel;
Open our minds so we can know what great love is in store and pouring out.

Sin and hate crushes and devours my dim light, eclipsing the brilliant sun’s rays.
Forcing these tired lungs, even to breath, even to hope, even to ask for help;
Forcing these tired lungs to even release the pent up putrid air I breathe;
I…
I…
Like a phoenix returning after death, I too resurrect myself, breathing deeply like a rapturous vampire.

Give! Give! Give! I must have! I need!

And I fight to open my eyes again to your love-I hope to stand back up;
Having already gone through these steps, I question if the outcome will be the same.
Will you kill a dragon for me?

Oh why didn’t I leave the light on?
Why didn’t I lock the door?
Why did …?
Why?

Enough of ‘Whys’! It’s time to go on to ‘Hows’, it’s time to follow the plan, and it’s time.

There was a time when I would fight for you, all of you, even against myself.
Will you fight me for me?
Will you calm the torrential storm I’ve built?
Will you help me? For us?

I’m tired of drinking before the war;
I’m tired of numbing and easing against our global pain;
There’s nothing I can do? Will you cut on the light?

Having danced in the rain while playing in the sun;
Having tasted freedom’s bread;
Having crushed my desires for the sweetest wine;
Having held your warm smile;

And I breathe,
And I plant a seed,
And I wait.

A harvest, rich and bountiful, too big to be hauled in, too much to hoard;
A harvest of love, a harvest of forgiveness;
Will you help me carry it in?
Can I sit at your table?

by Richard Cassidy

Today, forgetting all our past;
Today, with rumblings of freedom growing in our heart;
We want to fly.

I’ve settled for lies and deception for way too long;
I’ve kept myself blinded to pains and hurt of Humanity, the sons and daughters of God;
I’ve been judging others to placate and exonerate myself; oh God, oh, God;
“Us vs. Them,” get out of the way, and be cast into the sea.

God, The Breather of Life, God has invested in you;
Every egg God has, every good and perfect egg, God has invested in you, God has put in your basket;
We, with all our talents, dreams, and gifts;
Us, despite (and because of) our sins and pride, God has chosen US to display His Grace, His Mercy, and His Love.

What we once were, we will never be again; let us march on;
We follow the beating drum of Christ;
We are the beating drum in Christ.

No matter what we think or believe, God has invested everything, EVERYTHING, in us;
Jesus has overcome and become everything for us—sin, death, the grave, and life.

One thing and only one thing I ask;
That we, your people, All Humanity (and Creation) can sit in your lap in Glory; as you erase the damage of our past;
That we, your people, All Humanity, won’t sit in your lap alone; as you give us a glorious, majestic future;
Heal us Papa, bring us Home.

by Richard Cassidy

You say it is finished; and yet war tears us apart;
You say it is finished; and yet I won’t let selfishness go!

You are raising an army; of who? of me?
How will you win? Haven’t you already won? somehow.

If only my flesh would wake up;
If only it weren’t a mind thing;
If only my heart would get involved, and love like You.

You have called and empowered me to BE Christ to all those around me; where’s my faith?

Before there were wars;
Before souls were bought and sold;
Before I threw the first stone;

Help me see; help me know, “it is finished.”

If only it were easy;
If only …

Oh my doubt!
Yet You are my King; robed in majesty and honor, glory and power;
You are my King and time stops and does your bidding;
You are worthy, You are worthy, You are worthy;
All creation is Yours, and so am I.

You, You! You have rescued me from the pits of hell, humanity, and myself;
I am free, I am free in You.

You are my freedom, and You are my portion;
You are my cup, let me be filled to overflowing;
There is no one like you, I’ve searched, oh, I’ve searched;
No one is as wonderful as you.

I can’t see where I’m going;
And I will not be afraid.
If the ground couldn’t keep you;
I won’t be afraid.
The battle, Your Blood, Obedience, and Righteousness have already won.

Today I hear Your voice;
Today I listen;
You have made me for today, and I love you.

by Richard Cassidy

can you hear?
listen, listen to your beating, breaking heart.

sh, can you feel it? I know you feel it too!
all existence crumbles and breaks for redemption

what if it all depends on you?
what if it all depends on me?

listen to your heart;
hope is floating and flying in our hearts, even as the skies explode, even as we crumble, hope bubbles up

there is hope in no other name,
today, now, and forever more,
lay down your hurt (oh God heal us)
lay down your pride (oh God)
Stand up for yourself, and your own healing.

Redemption is here;
Redemption is now;
Eternity waits & exists in our conversations with our Creator

That day the sun closed its eyes in mourning;
That day blood poured because of our selfish desires;
That day rocks & boulders couldn’t keep the grave closed over the Faithful;

Through all of life
Through every single tear
(You|Me) Our healing is here, talk to Him and listen

“What are you pains? Talk to me; I’m here,” Jesus

Who killed my Lord that day the sun refused to shine?

Who falsely accused him and called him blasphemer and liar?
Who knit the thorns into a cruel, vicious crown?
Who owned the fists that pounded and plummeted without relief or care?
Whose hammer drove the nails that pierced his righteous flesh?
Whose eyes mocked as He stumbled down the lonely road?
Who dug the hole, the resting place for that cross?
Who made the dice, the lots, which were cast for His clothes?
Who heard those screams, those awful cries of pain?
Who saw, who saw that last breath, heard those last words?

“I did, I did,” I say, “I did.”

Each and every lie I told; every penny I stole,
     I did.
Each and every vile, ugly sin that I used to hold so dear,
     I did.
With every mean and hateful word; with every vindictive intent,
     I did.
Seeing plain as day, selfishly leading down the dark ravenous path,
     I did.
Whenever I wished my parents dead and told them how I hated them,
     I did.

Was it malice or ignorance that picked up the sword?
     I did.
Did you cover your face in mourning, like the sun for its maker?
     I do.

Each day, in death, I thank God for the mercy and grace on that day, that beautiful, ugly day.

And the story continues . . . .

Sweet sounds of breakfast crackling on the stove,
Wafts of deep, rich coffee tickle all my senses,
Birds serenade the laying down of darkness as the sun explodes in brilliant, glorious rays;
All creation in heavenly chorus welcomes another gift, another day.

Through the night, rockets illuminated the sky.
In our most claustrophobic fears where only grace and mercy can plant the seeds of love;

“And there was evening, and there is morning”

Compassion for the hurting,
Praying for justice tempered with mercy;
Praying for mercy tempered with love—redemption.

Sirens wail and shriek, quickening our need for something more, a way out.
We stand still, waiting; waiting for another gift, a different day—hope.

The world never stops spinning and neither does the loom, as we are transformed and prepared;
A blanket of warmth, a blanket of peace, a blanket of hope, is what we are to become—A New Day

by Richard Cassidy

How much is enough?
At what point? how many?

When, when will this apathy end?
When will I ever care again?

Do I? Do we matter?
We all matter don’t we? To someone?

Friends and family marching off to war;
Forgotten souls marching off cliffs from abuse and hurt;
Sold, tossed aside, and maimed;
We all matter don’t we?

My head and heart is full of so many “If I coulds;”
Yet there is so much I refuse to do;
There is so much I am unwilling to do.

Sold, tossed aside, and maimed;
Anyone. Everyone.

We all matter don’t we? don’t you?
We all matter.
How much is enough?

by Richard Cassidy

before the beginning
before the foundations of creation
before time thought of existing
I’ve been looking for Today

Do you know
Don’t you know
I’ve been waiting for forever for you
before the waters were seas I’ve been waiting for your birth, I’ve been waiting for you

All this, look around, all this is for you, is for Me

Since the dawn of time, I’ve been counting down until your birth, I’ve been counting down until you were born, I love you, just the way you are

shh

it may be hard to believe
it may be hard to understand
but I, I, the Creator and Author of Life have been waiting for you, for now, for Us

I don’t care what you’ve done, I already know; tell Me
I care about Us, about you, your family & friends, your neighborhood, village, & city

I care about you, and if you’ve never heard anything before, listen now, “I love YOU!”

Stars dance before Me
Mountains shudder & quake at My presence
The seas, the seas hide their faces
Yet, I seek YOU!

Listen again, for the first time, “I love you,” and have split time, space, and My own body for you

Talk to Me, I’m yours

by Richard Cassidy

“My God, My God?! Why have You forsaken me?”
I would cry, I would weep, “Oh God, why?”
And You never did.
You were always there, chasing after me as I ran, tripping over myself, I ran as far away as I thought I could.
Oh my God, I forsook you!
To the depths of my mind, I hid.
Wrapped in darkness, I would cling to lies–as I left You–thinking of Your goodness and kindness, all the while.
I know why the caged bird sings;
Is it to console the bars that bind?
Is it to heal a broken heart?
Is it the loss of a dear lost friend?

Through all my stupidity; in the eyes of a child;
You reached through me, warping all time and space, with a still whisper that crushes and breaks through rock, stocks and my own trappings–with such an earth shattering stillness.
Through the darkest mire, in which;
You never, You never left me.
Unbeknownst to me, You were my pillow those nights laying on cold hard ground;
When my lungs had failed and could not inhale again–You shared Yours; breathing, keeping me alive.
People looked at me with awe and horror—
“If he would leave God;
“If he would kill God;
“What will he do to me?
“What will he do next?”

And yet You kissed me;
You picked me up, and cleansed me;
You held me near and sang;
Your sweet precious song still comforts my soul and sets me free.
Your voice heals, heals, me.
“My God, My God, Oh my God!
“What have I done?
“What am I doing?
“Oh my God–please forgive me–Oh God!”

As a parent wipes the dirt from a skinned knee and kisses the tears that flow;
Something beautiful.

Enwrapped in Your arms, yet wrestling with guilt, You hold me as You always have.
You open my cage and I fly, I soar, I run straight to You; in You I make my home.

“Daddy, daddy, please don’t leave me, please don’t go away…”
“Child,” I hear, “I never did.”